It’s lonely, not in this deeply depressing “I am all alone”
kind of way, but in subtle manners. You have a bottle of two buck chuck that
you can’t wait to share with your bestie and watch Netflix and bitch about your
day…but you realize all you can do is send texts and snapchats and imagine they
are there with you. You see your friends
back home going out, playing board games, going to the bar, dancing, going to
yoga together, having dinner parties and while you have absolutely no desire to
move back, you miss those moments. Packages and letters bring a whole new
definition to the word joy and sometimes you stare out the window waiting for
the mailman in hopes maybe today he is bringing you a small piece of home.
Your husband is no longer your best friend because you chose
him, but because he has to be and vice versa. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just
a new thing and a hard thing. You want a true test to your newlywed marriage of
only one month at the time…move across the freaking country. You will scream,
fight, not talk, love, laugh and smile with this person and then you will do it
all again over and over. You will struggle against each other until you learn
to struggle with them, just like you promised them in your vows. You may have
gone through those same motions back at home, but then you had your girls to
save you, to tell you when you’re being rational and when you’re being bat shit
crazy. Now it’s your husband who has to tell you when you’re acting crazy…and
that does not always go over well. Communication becomes real important, real
fast. You’ve never been good with communication, so girl you better learn real quickly.
Now every time there is a fight you both have to stand there and face it, there
is no running, no venting to the girls. But the amazing part of this is, you
will learn to understand your husband in ways you never have before. You will
really learn what he truly means to you and you to him. You will learn to
embrace the uncomfortable because it is in those moments that you learn how to
grow as a couple.
Your life and the person you thought you were will be turned
upside down and you will be confused….but you’ll figure it out again…one day…hopefully.
You used to love going out, being social… but you realized that is because you
had friends to do so with. So now you stay in and binge watch Netflix with your
husband and play video games, something you also used to enjoy. But hey you’ve
been binge watching Netflix with the same person for 4 days straight. GET OUT
OF THE HOUSE! You won’t know what you like anymore. You want to go out….but
then you do and realize you don’t know how to be social with strangers. You
want to stay in, but feel guilty for not being out exploring your new city and
attempting to make friends. You get excited about going to work because you
actually get to communicate with other people.
You will finally learn to be gentle with yourself. You will
remind yourself you’re strong for making this move, that making friends takes
time, that it’s okay to sometimes stay in and just cry and miss home, and that
it is also okay to go out and completely enjoy your city and not think about
home.
You will take your husbands hand, kiss him and smile because
you know that together you made the best decision for your relationship, and
that this is just the start of an absolutely beautiful, wonderful and
challenging life together.
